Week 1 over. I miss it!!!

Okay, so I’ve officially gone a week week since I’ve quit coffee.  And here I sit at my computer drinking my tea, thinking to myself how much I miss it.  I don’t fiend for it anymore, nor really bodily have any urges for it.  I just miss it.  I miss the high, I miss the fast heart-beat feeling.  I know I should go out and jog and experience that, but I feel like writing right now!  What is going on with me?  Is this a part of the withdraw symptoms?  Am I tricking myself into believing it’s over and I’m no longer addicted to coffee just so I can drink more?  I can’t trust myself anymore.  What’s going on?!!

I guess for now, it’s best to just keep staying away from coffee.  I should go at least one whole month, right?  Right??

Day 5 – A Terrible Morning

Wednesday night, I didn’t go to bed until about 2am.  A stupid idea, I know. For someone who wants to quit coffee, I shouldn’t be deliberatley setting myself up to be more tired the next day, and thus desire coffee more.   But I had a lot to do, and I was interested in a good read online, so that’s why I didn’t sleep until later.  Moreover, Thursdays I have to wake up especially early, around 7:00 (usually I get up at 8:30) to prepare to leave by 8:12.  I knew I was in for a tough morning as I faded into slumber.  Little did I realize how tough it would be.

During the wee hours of god-knows-when that morning, my iPhone went on the fritz, apparently.  I awoke at “4:15pm” according to my phone…but really it was around 8:40am.  I awoke to my boss calling me, wondering where I was.  It was her second time calling.  I usually take the train a few stops and meet my boss and her sister to drive to a city an hour away to teach kindgergarten and elementary kids all day .  Yes, I know, sleeping late the night before teaching a kids day wasn’t smart to say the least.

So, in my hurry state of panic I rushed out the door and caught the next train.  At the train station as I was awaiting the next train, I was tempted to use a 100yen coin to grab a canned coffee at the vending machine.  For some reason, I thought it might calm my nerves.  I have no idea why I thought this.  But I refrained, and instead bought a hot cocoa.

 I explained what happened to my boss and she was very nice about it.  I still can’t explain to myself though, why my iPhone decided to change the time like that.  I ended up setting the time to manual instead of automatic, so that wouldn’t happen again.  I pray it doesn’t.

Despite my frazzled start of the day, and despite not getting much sleep.  I did avoid ‘the black’ stuff again.  Though, I did have a coke in the middle of the day to rejuvinate my spirit and genki-ness.  I didn’t feel any real guilt from it.  I was staying away from coffee, after all.  The entire caffeine independence will have to come later.

Day 4-My Caffeine Addiction Background: Energy Drinks and Wawa

Yesterday, the end of day 3, I drank a Coke Zero and ate some chocolate before dinner, but still I had no coffee.  The headaches subsided by evening.  And I felt a good amount of energy without the need of coffee.  This morning, the start of Day 4, I feel a little out of it. Not tired per se, but just like my brain isn’t functioning normally.  And a very mild headache located on the top of my head is persisting….but other than that, all is well.

For today’s post, I thought I’d tell you a little about my history with coffee. 

As a kid and early teenager, coffee was the last thing I’d drink. I, like most children and teenagers, thought the stuff was disgusting.  Though, of course, I consumed plenty of caffeine in other forms, like chocolate and soda.  But as I entered adulthood (somewhere in the late teens) coffee became a bigger part of my life.  But I definitely didnt’t have it everyday.  Maybe three times a month.  But another winged demon had entered my life: Red Bull (and other various energy drinks).  Perhaps that is where my caffeine addiction first began.  I would drink these sugar and caffeine bombs before entering the gym with my friend.  We’d down a Red Bull or Monster energy drink right before or sometimes during our workout.  Of course, it gave us a tremendous lift for our workout, and we often did perform better with it.  But I think after a while, we could tell that we were no longer making gains.  Perhaps the dehydration from the caffeine was making it difficult for our body to supply our muscles with the necessary nutrition.  And caffeine is known to counteract the organic acid known as creatine, that is produced naturally by our bodies, which gives our muscles more weight to them. But anyways, probably my abuse of energy drinks started then.

I knew energy drinks couldn’t be good for you when I noticed the similar packaging it had with fireworks.

In 2004 (around 20 years old), I landed a job at an aiport, working for the newly created Transportation Security Administration.  You know, the ones who dump out your bags at the airport and give you the “V” hand swipe down the sides of your crotch.  Yeah, that was me.  The screening job was quite good and paid well, but the huge downside was that I had to be there at 4:30 in the morning to get ready to open by 5am.  Needless to say, being a part-time college student at the time, I wasn’t very used to waking up at 3:30am every morning.  So I was extremely tired going into work most days.  And then, one day, I go to a Wawa before getting onto to the highway to get a coffee and cinnamon roll.  And then, the cashier told me the coffee is free for uniformed persons (that being cops, and whowouldathunk: me?!).  I was more than pleasantly surprised, and since that day, I had stopped by at that Wawa almost every single day to get my free (24oz cup no less) cup of coffee.  And it gets worse.  I not only filled that giant cup up with coffee, but I would often mix mocha latte which had extra caffeine added to it to go along with my already caffeine-riddened coffee.  And so my addiction truly started.  The daily cup of coffee became ritual.

Wawa, the Coffee Mecca.

Day 2-3 The headaches begin

Yesterday I slept a good while but after I awoke and had a great breakfast with my girlfriend that she cooked, I became really tired.  Perhaps it was because I ate so much.  (I couldn’t help it! It was soo good!) But anyways, the tiredness really made me want that morning jolt of coffee that my body’s gotten used to.  Luckily, I refrained. It’s easier to do so on your days off, which Monday is for me.  And a little later, in the early afternoon I started to get headaches.  It was pretty mild, though.  Nothing too bad.  Just a dull throbbing. 

Later on, I decided to give my adrenoline a natural boost.  So I went jogging in the neighborhood and a nearby park.  My body wasn’t having it though.  It felt heavy and resistant to running.  Admittantly, I haven’t jogged in a while, so I think its because of that rather than the lack of caffeine.  But who knows, perhaps my body isn’t quite used to producing its adrenaline from a natural source such as exercising. 

After jogging, my girlfriend and I went shopping.  We picked up some Pepsi Zero along with the rest of the groceries.  I ate some chips and drank the soda as a sort of subconscious reward for taking the healthy route earlier and not succumbing to the coffee urges.

I know, Pepsi also has caffeine, but one step at a time, people!  And I did drink quite a bit, but at least it wasn’t coffee. And it didnt’ give met that edgy, heartpouding energy that I get with coffee, so it was definitley a lot less caffeine than I’m used to consuming.  Anyways, my main goal is to quit coffee, not caffeine all together.  But reducing caffeine consumption to a reasonable and healthy minimum is, of course, my long term goal.

Now, on day three, I am writing this blog at work.  I just had my first class (teaching English, in case you were wondering what I did).  Usually, before my first class, I feel the need for coffee to become peppy, energetic, or genki (japanese word for “lively”).  It makes me witty, quick, on point…..or…not.

Actually, I’ve discovered, just from this last class teaching without being under the influence, that I’m a lot more genuinely attentive.  Under coffee, I may have been attentive, but stressfully so, and usually thinking about what I would say next, instead of really listening to the students.  It would make me react and respond quick, but the quality of what I would say, I think, is much less than off coffee.   I am happy to make this discovery so early on in my battle.  I admit, my body was fiending for a cup before class, because after I sit down in my chair, I get relaxed and tired.  But by not having a cup I think I really improved the performance of my lesson.  Hurray!

Day 1- A Trip to Yamadera

Day one, yesterday of my journey to quit coffee ended in success.  I didn’t sleep very long the night before so I thought I’d have a morning grogginess, but surprisingly I didn’t. I woke up with an abundance of energy.  And I ate a good breakfast, natto, egg, and rice (which is a traditional breakfast here in Japan).  I then proceeded to meet with some friends to go hiking in Yamadera, a series of temples and buildings on the edges of cliffs which you have to climb a good number of stairs to get to.  It wasn’t much of  a hike, in retrospect.  And the cool Fall mountain air was really refreshing.  It truly made me forget about having any coffee.  Before that, I did have some cold green tea, and a couple of times some of my friends were having canned coffee, which, I admit, the smell drove me crazy for a instant to have one.  But I refrained, turning my attention to the beautiful Autumn folliage and interesting old Japanese architecture.  Here are a couple of photos of Yamadera.

Interestingly enough, I was told by my girlfriend after she read a sign in Japanese that according to legend, each step you take to get to the top eliminates any worldly desire or vice you may be suffering from.  Such a belief does make sense since Yamadera is a Buddhist temple and Buddhism is all about ridding onself of worldly desires.  Anyways, I saw that as fitting for my own personal situation, and I made sure to not miss a step. 

Later, when I got home, I tried turning my computer on and it died.  Basically, I’ve lost all of my files.  Everything.  From my hundreds of personal photos to past writings that I’ve done.  And no, I have no backup copy.  Well, that is to say, I had one, but that hard drive on that died, too.  I was glad to not have been hopped up on caffeine when that happened or the compounding stress would have probably made me flip out.  All in all, as far as my quitting coffee goes, day one was great.

The Beginning of the End

For quite some time now I’ve been looking for a way out.  You see, I’ve been locked away for many years now.  I’ve been looking for the key, the answer…the solution to all of this.  No one is going to give me a birthday cake with a nail file to file my way out of this prison.  I have no picture in which I can conceal a long endeavored dug hole. This was something I have to do on my own.  This breakout has to be rash, solid, and full of conviction.  It has to be done with exuberant force, I must end this battle– I must quit coffee.

If this metaphor of incarceration seems a little too over-the-top to you, then you probably have never been addicted to anything.  Either that or you are, too,  addicted to coffee (or perhaps even blind by the full acceptance of coffee by our culture) yourself that you don’t see any problem with having  a few cups o’ joe everyday.  I admit that even when I use that phrase, it evokes a warm, harmless feeling.  I picture a calm sunny morning, with the sunlight beaming through a kitchen window, and a 1950′s dressed and hair-styled father sups his mug of coffee while reading a newspaper and eating a bagel before heading off to work.

Indeed, to many, coffee does give them that relaxing sensation as described above (okay, well maybe not exactly as described above).  And if it is good for you, then by all means I’m not here to tell you that you should stop (though I might recommend using prudence wisely in choosing how much to drink).  I’m here for mainly me.  I have a coffee problem.  I know it.  And I’ve known it for a while.  It might not be as bad as some people think.  In fact, when I tell people how much I drink they usually laugh and say, “Oh, you don’t have a coffee problem.  You’re fine.”  It’s true, to most, drinking one to two cups of coffee a day (or coffee type drinks, including lattes and especially canned coffee)  is not so bad.  I’m not one of those people who are drinking three Venti size cups from Starbucks, or finishing off an entire pot of coffee in one day.  But I do feel the urge to drink it everyday, and to me, that means I am addicted.  And I hate being addicted to any one thing.  For a substance or action to have control over me, and for me to accept it willingly, is like dying a slow, painful death.

So I’ve started this blog as way to be accountable to myself and my readers.  In essence, I’ve started my own support group via blog.  I want to share my story of “getting off the bean”.  That being my ultimate goal, it is not my only goal.  I hope that this blog will also inspire other coffee-addicts who wish to get off the bean to do the same.  So, with all of that being said, I begin my journey into the unknown.  Or I should say, into the forgotten…since I was at one time not addicted to coffee, though I’ve seemed to have forgotten.

So bookmark me if you’re interested in reading about my ongoing story.  And comments are always appreciated!  Thank you.